Life after the big 3-0!

Ok, I’ve been 30 for two months and some days and so much has changed. Not so much because I have crossed over to the other side. More because life happens fast, and I am rarely ever ready. For example, I only work two days a week now. My husband and I made the decision to reduce my hours for several reasons, but mainly to help the cash flow at work. Also, my kids haven’t been around since school let out the first week of June. Neither of these happened because I turned thirty, but because I am thirty I like these new changes!!! Ok, so I didn’t have to live another year longer to enjoy my abundance of free time. But my mental state has helped me to revel in it.

That brings up the things that have changed since that dreaded day back in May. I do feel older thus I am trying to work out more constantly. I was doing good for a while, but some friends from out of state came to visit and I am just now starting to get back into the swing of my new routine. Now that I am thirty I am also more aware of my actions and how they relate to my future and other people’s feelings. I want the next 30 years to be one of joyous memories not only for me but for those around me. I really am trying to change my bitchy attitude, one aggravating moment at a time. Goosefraba, damn it!

All in all, turning 30 has been a pleasant experience. With my new found free time I am keeping the house cleaner, working out and dieting, staying on top of our finances better, and finally learning how to use my camera and Photoshop Elements. Here are a few photos I have been jacking with recently:

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I know, I have a long way to go. But one day at a time is all anyone can ever manage.

I’ve also continued my reflection on my life so far and what I want from it going forward. I realized, just the other day, that I still feel like I am searching for something. I have no idea what it is or why I would still be looking for something. I mean I have all that I have ever wanted (minus a bazillion dollars in the bank), yet I do not fill fulfilled. I am living the American dream  so what gives? Am I destined to search forever? Is that just how life is? Are we all going through life like this? Surely not. I mean I see people all the time who seem satisfied and content. Perhaps this feeling of longing is a private issue so no one shares that info with others, thus me missing the fact that they are like me? So many questions, so few answers. Maybe I should have been a philosopher. They ask questions like this all the time and have very few answers themselves. 😉

THERE IS LIFE AFTER 30, THANK GOODNESS!

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{Update}Two Great Losses and The Bionic Pancreas

Yesterday and so far today haven’t been so good. I am mourning the loss of George Jones and Tyler’s CGM. But I did read up on the bionic pancreas so all hope is not lost. I hope!

When I got home from work yesterday the first words out of my son’s mouth is that he lost his CGM. I was stunned and immediately upset (crying upset, not mad upset). I wasn’t mad at him because it is just a “thing” and he is always so responsible with things of this nature. I had him search for it over and over. I called the transportation department to see if someone saw it laying around on the bus. I left a message at the school (they still haven’t called back). He thinks it will turn up and school, but I know deep down that it is gone forever. I know he didn’t lose it on purpose. And I know he feels terrible. But I am still just so sad. He did only lose a “thing”, but that “thing” gave me peace of mind. That is something I haven’t had in almost 5 years. It is amazing how quickly I got used to having it on my night stand. How soundly I slept knowing it would wake me up if their was an issue. But all will work out in the end. If it doesn’t show up then I will look into replacing it. It wont be cheap, but my peace of mind is worth it.

This morning, while I was wallowing in my own self pitty for not having the CGM crutch, I stumbled upon an article about a lady named Anna who just completed a Bionic Pancreas study, in which she was a test subject. She let the Bionic Pancreas do all the thinking, calculating, and dosing for her for 5 whole days! What a wonderful 5 day it must have been. You can read about her journey here, and more about the study/trial here. I haven’t been a fan of an artificial pancreas at all until now. I would like for the research to focus on a cure instead of treatments. But as I read Anna’s blog and the article I thought of my son. I thought about how happy and normal he would feel if he could just eat what he wants, when he wants. How he would love to just get up and head outside to do whatever, with out having to check his blood sugar. I am sure he feels the same as Anna and would be fine with all kids of “sites” on his body, if it meant he could focus his energy elsewhere and not on maintaining and correcting his blood sugar. Diabetes is constantly at the forefront of our thoughts, 24/7 – no breaks – EVER! Those thoughts made me change my perspective on diabetes research. Maybe a closed loop system wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Last but definitely not least. Mr. George Jones passed today. He is a legend and will be sorely missed. I have listened to his music all my life. George Strait is my favorite, but Mr. Jones’ voice was the only other male voice I would recognize on the radio as a child. I learned at a very early age that the tone of his voice and the lyrics of his songs where not made up, but were reflections of his real life. You could hear the pain and suffering in his voice. I often wondered why his life was the mess it was or seemed to be. I wondered if he was ever going to know inner peace (I am sure those are not the words I used as a child). I hope he now has the peace he seemed to need, if he hadn’t found it here on earth. I will not stop loving him today, but I do wonder who’s gonna fill his shoes.

{Update 4/27/13} Tyler’s monitor was returned to him by his bus driver. Bless Her!!!

Parents of chil…

Parents of children with Type 1 diabetes are extremely susceptible to burnout due to sleep deprivation and constant worry.

The quote above is from KC & Co and her thoughts on T1 burnout. She really hit the nail on the head there. I mean, I don’t even have T1 but I feel so worn out from it. I look forward to the day when my T1 son is ready to move out and I can sleep through the night. Or so I think. I am sure it will take me a long time to sleep through the night. I will constantly fight the urge to call and check on him. To call him non-stop around 3 am to remind him to take a night time reading. You know…. just incase! I am sure my son is looking forward to me letting go and letting him live as he wishes.

I am not sure which keeps us caretakers awake more, the worry or the actually low blood sugar. We dread the late night low, but when it doesn’t happen we just sit and wait. We know it will happen eventually, we just arn’t sure if tonight is the night.

I often times wish that I had the disease instead of my son. But sometimes I feel like I do, just minus all the finger pokes. I am sure he would diasgree, because he does have it way worse than I do. He is so inspiring, because he really does take it in stride. And bless him for talking to anyone who will listen to him rattle on about T1.

Diabetes sucks!

But my son rocks!!!

Book Remark: If I Were You by Lisa Renee Jones

I am calling this a book remark because I am not going to review the book. Instead I am going to give you some advice. DON’T READ IT UNTIL ALL 3 BOOKS ARE RELEASED. This book is awesome and I like it better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I am not sure I understand why I like it better, just yet. But I do. But now that I have read the first book in this trilogy I am going to have to wait for the next installment. I am going to start banging my head against the wall……now. Maybe I will knock myself out until the final book arrives in September. SEPTEMBER…. REALLY?!?!? I am incapable of waiting, I really am.

Great book, but be ready to have to wait.

Lets see how this goes……..

Ok, so I have thought about this for about two seconds and while it still sounds good, I will start a blog. I feel that my life has taken some crazy turns and is still traveling down and unpaved, never before discovered, pot-hole filled road, so why not share it with anyone who is willing to listen/read. I am totally new to blogging, so please bear with me. I will make mistakes but please be nice when you point them out to me. If you aren’t so nice, then I can not promise to not go all “North Shore” on your ass.

More to come, stay tuned……