{Update}Two Great Losses and The Bionic Pancreas

Yesterday and so far today haven’t been so good. I am mourning the loss of George Jones and Tyler’s CGM. But I did read up on the bionic pancreas so all hope is not lost. I hope!

When I got home from work yesterday the first words out of my son’s mouth is that he lost his CGM. I was stunned and immediately upset (crying upset, not mad upset). I wasn’t mad at him because it is just a “thing” and he is always so responsible with things of this nature. I had him search for it over and over. I called the transportation department to see if someone saw it laying around on the bus. I left a message at the school (they still haven’t called back). He thinks it will turn up and school, but I know deep down that it is gone forever. I know he didn’t lose it on purpose. And I know he feels terrible. But I am still just so sad. He did only lose a “thing”, but that “thing” gave me peace of mind. That is something I haven’t had in almost 5 years. It is amazing how quickly I got used to having it on my night stand. How soundly I slept knowing it would wake me up if their was an issue. But all will work out in the end. If it doesn’t show up then I will look into replacing it. It wont be cheap, but my peace of mind is worth it.

This morning, while I was wallowing in my own self pitty for not having the CGM crutch, I stumbled upon an article about a lady named Anna who just completed a Bionic Pancreas study, in which she was a test subject. She let the Bionic Pancreas do all the thinking, calculating, and dosing for her for 5 whole days! What a wonderful 5 day it must have been. You can read about her journey here, and more about the study/trial here. I haven’t been a fan of an artificial pancreas at all until now. I would like for the research to focus on a cure instead of treatments. But as I read Anna’s blog and the article I thought of my son. I thought about how happy and normal he would feel if he could just eat what he wants, when he wants. How he would love to just get up and head outside to do whatever, with out having to check his blood sugar. I am sure he feels the same as Anna and would be fine with all kids of “sites” on his body, if it meant he could focus his energy elsewhere and not on maintaining and correcting his blood sugar. Diabetes is constantly at the forefront of our thoughts, 24/7 – no breaks – EVER! Those thoughts made me change my perspective on diabetes research. Maybe a closed loop system wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Last but definitely not least. Mr. George Jones passed today. He is a legend and will be sorely missed. I have listened to his music all my life. George Strait is my favorite, but Mr. Jones’ voice was the only other male voice I would recognize on the radio as a child. I learned at a very early age that the tone of his voice and the lyrics of his songs where not made up, but were reflections of his real life. You could hear the pain and suffering in his voice. I often wondered why his life was the mess it was or seemed to be. I wondered if he was ever going to know inner peace (I am sure those are not the words I used as a child). I hope he now has the peace he seemed to need, if he hadn’t found it here on earth. I will not stop loving him today, but I do wonder who’s gonna fill his shoes.

{Update 4/27/13} Tyler’s monitor was returned to him by his bus driver. Bless Her!!!

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Parents of chil…

Parents of children with Type 1 diabetes are extremely susceptible to burnout due to sleep deprivation and constant worry.

The quote above is from KC & Co and her thoughts on T1 burnout. She really hit the nail on the head there. I mean, I don’t even have T1 but I feel so worn out from it. I look forward to the day when my T1 son is ready to move out and I can sleep through the night. Or so I think. I am sure it will take me a long time to sleep through the night. I will constantly fight the urge to call and check on him. To call him non-stop around 3 am to remind him to take a night time reading. You know…. just incase! I am sure my son is looking forward to me letting go and letting him live as he wishes.

I am not sure which keeps us caretakers awake more, the worry or the actually low blood sugar. We dread the late night low, but when it doesn’t happen we just sit and wait. We know it will happen eventually, we just arn’t sure if tonight is the night.

I often times wish that I had the disease instead of my son. But sometimes I feel like I do, just minus all the finger pokes. I am sure he would diasgree, because he does have it way worse than I do. He is so inspiring, because he really does take it in stride. And bless him for talking to anyone who will listen to him rattle on about T1.

Diabetes sucks!

But my son rocks!!!

Book Remark: If I Were You by Lisa Renee Jones

I am calling this a book remark because I am not going to review the book. Instead I am going to give you some advice. DON’T READ IT UNTIL ALL 3 BOOKS ARE RELEASED. This book is awesome and I like it better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I am not sure I understand why I like it better, just yet. But I do. But now that I have read the first book in this trilogy I am going to have to wait for the next installment. I am going to start banging my head against the wall……now. Maybe I will knock myself out until the final book arrives in September. SEPTEMBER…. REALLY?!?!? I am incapable of waiting, I really am.

Great book, but be ready to have to wait.

I’m a parent for real!

Soooo, this past weekend was an eye opener of sorts or me. I had a couple “oh-my-gosh-I’m-a-mom” moments. First, on Friday my youngest son had an art show to attend. It was really neat, actually. The teacher had it set up like a real art gallery showing with art work displayed, music from the school jazz band, and even snacks! I was very proud standing next to my baby. His Dad and I talked about how weird it was to have teenage children when we are just barely 30 (I’m still 29 for a few more weeks). As his father and I visit my eldest son comes and taps me on my shoulder. I turn around and there he is with this beautiful young lady by his side. He introduces me to her and I am sure the look on my face was priceless. It went from who is this chick? To oh, her! I finally get to meet her. This girl has been a good friend of his for a few years now, but he wants to date her. He is stuck in the friend zone, poor guy. So I start asking her general questions like if she had art work in the show and she was so polite and kept calling me ma’am. My youngest son’s father started to crack a smile and pointed out the ma’am reference. I told her she really didn’t need to call me ma’am. So she replied, “ok, ma’am.” Really?!?! So there I was in the middle of an 8th grade art show having my “oh-my-gosh-I’m-a-mom” moment, ex laughing at me, oldest son wanting to run from me, and (thankfully) the youngest son talking to folks about his art work. I am pretty sure the room started to spin but I am not sure I remember the rest of the evening.

Then came Sunday……

Sundays will never be the same for me……. EVER!

On Sunday my youngest son calls to start coordinating his returning home from his Dad’s. He isn’t good at being the middle man on phone conversations so he hands the phone to his Dad. We iron the details and I am about to hang up when he tells me he has something else he wanted to “just let me know.” My ex and I get along fine so I was sure it wasn’t anything we would argue about so I tell him to go ahead. He informs me that he had busted my baby with porn. SAY WHAT? He explains the whole story to me and I don’t say anything. He repeats it again, two more times, and all I can say is, “ok, got it.” I hang up the phone and look at my husband and oldest son for a second and then return to trying to teach myself to knit. They both ask what is up and I just tell them I’ll tell ya later. When I get to the meeting point to switch off my son, his father apologized profusely for just rambling on. I tell him no need, I was just in shock and couldn’t form a sentence. I am sure I didn’t do a good job of explaining myself, nor am I doing the story justice on here, but I am still in shock. I mean I knew it was coming, but a parent is never really ready. On the way home my son and I talked about it. He says it is easier to talk to me about this stuff, which made me feel good. He says I have a way of making an embarrassing situation laughable. Score one for Mom! I tried to give him some advice on the situation, as best I could. We will see how it goes.

On a side note, I seemed to have picked up knitting at the right time. I associate knitting with older folks and originally thought I would look ridiculous knitting. I don’t think that anymore, or maybe I have come to terms with getting older? Heck I don’t know. All I do know is that my kids are growing up and I should start acting like an old lady with grown up kids.

 

Augh! Never did I think I would have things like this happen to me when I am only 29!!!! Can I go back to my 21st birthday and just hit the repeat button? Please, I promise I’ll be a good girl.